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How to…

…wake up a soul. It’s not as easy as it might sound. You can’t use any of the normal, obvious ways:

1. You can’t pour cold water over its head. It doesn’t like that very much, and doesn’t feel the temperature of the water very well.

2. You can’t bang a pot in its ear while yelling, “IT’S TIME TO GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!” I’m afraid this proves to be just as ineffective.

3. There is no little sibling to send in to jump on the bed….a dog doesn’t work either. The enthusiastic licking of the face is meaningless to the soul

4. Fanning a giant pile of pancakes under its nose may tempt the person housing the soul, but the soul will simply roll over and continue napping. The smell of coffee won’t work either.

5. Stomping around on the floor around the bed or even shaking the bed will not suffice either, I’m afraid.

Alas, then, how does one awake the soul? I wish I had an answer for you. It takes time and nurturing, or at least mine does. It prefers to wake up on its own terms, but sometimes it’ll startle you when it does finally say “Good morning” because it comes out in more like a peppy cheerleader than a sleepy toddler. Either way, enjoy it while it’s awake, because life’s much darker when it’s sleeping.

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