Rarely do I feel compelled to write about chapel. Normally, it’s not awful, but it’s usually not my thing. The worship’s decent but I have trouble focusing on God in huge groups of people, and sometimes the speakers are simply dreadful. For this week, though, WU did a great job picking the speaker for Spiritual Life Week. His name is Tommy Kyllonen aka Urban D from Crossover Church in Tampa. He’s not at all what I expected, but the theme for the week hits my heart in just the right way.
The theme for the week is “Dreams” and we’re following the story of Abram (aka Abraham) and his wife Sarai (aka Sarah). God told Abram to leave his home and go where he tells him to go. And Abram actually does it! He packs up and leaves at age 75. Leaves everything he knows and understand to follow God. That’s faith alright. God then promises to give them a son. Sarai was 65. Yikes.
The thing of it is, though, that God didn’t fulfill his promise right away. He had them wait 25 YEARS until they finally had a bouncing baby boy. Do the math. Yup, Abram was 100 and Sarai was 90. God must have a sense of humor.
That’s as far as we’ve gotten. We still have another chapel tomorrow to finish up. The focus of today was being in God’s waiting room and understanding that sometimes God may place a dream in your heart but it could take years to come to fruition. During that time, He’s preparing you to fulfill those dreams, but you have to remain faithful and trusting. That’s the hard part.
Here I am. Waiting. Hubs is waiting too. God’s placed huge dreams in our hearts but we cannot catch a glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s there. I know God’s here…somewhere. I feel let down though. I’ve seen things crumble before my eyes over the last few months. It’s making it hard to trust this crazy unknown plan He’s got because I don’t understand what is around the corner. I’m hanging on, but barely. I just don’t understand it. A little clarity would be appreciated.
Welcome to my waiting room. I think I’m going to be here a while, but I guess I’m going to learn how to truly trust God in the process.
I should be doing my paper.
I could be doing my paper.
I would be doing my paper…if I didn’t have severe writer’s block and the oblivious students around me would shut up. This is a library after all. Honestly.
So no. I’m not writing my paper. I’m trying. I’ve rewritten the same 4 sentences that I originally wrote last night. No new thoughts are flowing about Rudolf Bultmann. His life is kind of boring. Sorry. It just is.
I’m still trying to learn this juggling work and school thing. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I’m working at McDonald’s now. I started training yesterday. I haven’t worked in almost 2 years so I’m a little out of practice, plus I used to be a secretary. The food industry is quite different. I just keep telling myself that God is going to show up and do something big here. Somehow…or at least I hope he does. I guess I just have to wait it out.
In a week my folks’ will be here from snowy Minnesota and we will all enjoy a nice mini vacation at Disney. I can’t wait for them to get here. This is why my paper needs to get done. I don’t have time to work on it later. So, now I’m going to go try again and hopefully I make an indent.
Poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning said in best in her own words:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.”
I’ve loved this poem since high school, but it means more now that I found Hubs. Now that I have a tangible person that I love with every fiber of my being, I adore the phenomenal words put together by Ms. Browning. I only wish I could express myself with half the artfulness that she uses. Anyway, until the day comes when I have a better way to say it, the words above are how much I love my hubs. I just wanted the world to know it too.
Four years ago today I started dating the man I would one day marry. Crazy, right? I can hardly believe it myself. In honor of this beautiful day, I thought I’d share a few pictures of us through the last four years in semi-chronological order.
(Last picture courtesy of Tara Bent Photography)